he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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