ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
