I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
