Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
