i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
