I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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