woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
