and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
