everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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