I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
