Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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