My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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