Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
