I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
