i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
