Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My breasts were aching with rage.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
