all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
