not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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