So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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