There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im holly from the hills drunk
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
