so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
