your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
