is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
