shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
worst night to have a conscience
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
