My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
