No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
