What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
