Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
