What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
