Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
