Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
