We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
