wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I smell stomach acid.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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