she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
