the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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