woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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