please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
