You just made me feel so damn special
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
