just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
