Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
