Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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