I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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