I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
