dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
