found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
