how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
