Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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