I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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