so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
