so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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