he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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