Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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