I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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