dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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