I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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